Ready? Set? (Hopefully, you won’t go…)

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I know, I know.  We don’t talk about these in polite company.  Well, I will be the 900 pound gorilla.  And, I will be direct.  Those of you who know me well will not be surprised.

Health Care Directives

First and foremost, we all need a living will or a health care directive.  What happens if you or your loved ones are involved in a terrible accident?  Do you want your brain to be kept functional (I do NOT consider this “alive”) no matter what?  And, who will pay for this treatment- or care for you?  Do you remember the Terri Schiavo case?  She was young! It can happen to you.

In the past 12 months,  I’ve been involved with young (34 y)  and old (82, 90 y) folks who suffered from material events. From strokes to kidney failure to dementia (with medical problems).  None had health care directives.  Discerning what would be their objective is an impossible task- but coupling that with competing interests from siblings, spouse, and/or children renders this a family squabble you would not want for your enemies.  Make sure your wishes are known.Virginia approved Health Care Directive

A sample health care directive (one approved by the Commonwealth of Virginia) is found here.  Look it over.  Discuss it with your loved ones.   Fill it out and make it yours.

Living Trust

If you are among the top 10% of earners in America, this may be something to consider.   No, not to avoid inheritance taxes (but that is one of the prime reasons folks develop these trusts).  But, to insure that probate is avoided and that funds flow to your designees quickly.  And, should your living will (health care directive) stipulate certain life-sustaining messages, this may be a vital component, to insure proper funding and the continued function of a business or home.

If you own a business enterprise, then a living trust could be a major issue.  The stock for the company would be owned by the trust, which can then be immediately transferred to your designees.  Your company will not suffer from a lack of management and its value can be maintained and augmented, should you reach an untimely demise.  (We never consider it a timely one, do we?)

These are fairly complex and should be individualized.  That means you will need professional assistance in its development.  And, a caveat.  I just was involved in a case involving a living trust document that was copyrighted by the attorney.  Obviously, this sort of document is not individualized- and it has proven to be unseemingly complex, with a slew of problems that must now be corrected.  (And, it may be a little too late, so compliance with the wishes of the individual may not be possible.)

A Will

This document can be simple or complex.  It is an expression of your desires for your property after your death.  (It is NOT a means to getting even!) Even if you are young, should you have kids and you are married- both spouses need a will to insure your children receive proper care (i.e., the kind YOU want for them).  There are plenty of cases where folks were killed in a car crash or a plane crash and their children survived them.  What will happen to them?

In all cases, do you want your kids to fight over your possessions?  Oh, you say, “I don’t have much.  That won’t happen”.  I have been involved with cases where kids fought over necklaces, watches, and books.  (Each claimed special affiliation with the specific item.)

If you own a house, someone needs the right to manage its sale and to determine who will pay (and how) for the mortgage, while the situation is resolved.

There are plenty of sites (some very bad, some very good) that have sample wills.  An attorney would be a useful consult here, as well.

 

I don’t need to think about this now.  Wrong!

In business- if you fail to plan, you plan to fail.  In these cases, if you fail to plan, other people get to make your decisions.  If you are alive and ill, then  it’s terrible.  If you are not, then your heirs may recall things with more than a bitter taste in their mouths.  Consider them, prepare your choices, and act.

Roy A. Ackerman, Ph.D., E.A.

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43 thoughts on “Ready? Set? (Hopefully, you won’t go…)”

  1. Roy,

    GREAT post! You are so right we all need some kind of living trust/will! No matter how old we are! I can say both my husband and I have a living trust & will. You can’t take chances.

  2. Great advice Roy – I would add that the will have a degree of specificity to it as well. When my father died, his entire will was only six paragraphs. He owned several properties and a business, and BTW – I have four brothers and sisters and mom passed 18 months prior. That was five years ago, it took three years to totaling unwind everything. Ugh!

    1. Tor, I feel for you.
      I have spent WAY too many hours (and wasted WAY too much of my clients’ money) trying to discern what should have been clear- and was (if you consider the La Brea tar pits transparent).
      I develop great respect for Sir Baden Powell on those days- for his coinage of the Boy Scouts and the motto- be prepared.
      Thanks for dropping in!
      Roy

  3. Very important message, Roy. I agree and I do have a will and personal directives. Although people don’t like to think about it, I believe we need to face reality and be prepared.

    1. I admit, Leanne, I did not have these 32-35 years ago.
      I got a message- I came home early from a long business trip. No cell phones then, either. Drove home from Dulles (I was living in Charlottesville, at the time). The plane on which I was scheduled to fly did not make it. My (now ex-)wife was watching the tv with horror, as these pronouncements were plastered over the screen. I made a will that week. (Thank you, Wendell!)
      We had talked about a directive- but never did anything. Until, I got another message. This one was a lot more personal. (My spine reminds me often.) And, my mom had one made, as well- which was used (to her benefit) during her last 20 days of life. (She had a stroke- out of the blue. Fell, broke her nose, but did not know it was a stroke. A week later found her in the hospital, where she remained until the DNR was employed.)
      I’ve had a trust since the day I started my company with my friends. We needed to make sure that the failure of one of us would not lead to the failure of all of us.
      Glad to hear you’re prepared!
      roy

  4. Great points. The elderly are a little harder to get moving on this concept. Those in 50’s and 60’s seem more understanding of the concerns. It’s easier when you’ve had to work thru an event with someone to understand the impact.

    1. Nancy- you are right. Which is why I am worried about the younger ones.
      At 11:18 am today, I received an urgent message from an acquaintance. Her niece and her husband were hit head on. They are gone. Two of the kids are in very, very serious condition (and may be partially paralyzed). The youngest is fine. Besides money- who will care for these children?
      It’s NOT a matter of age.
      Thanks for your comment.

  5. Wow – well said and so very important. I appreciate your writing in such frank terms which might actually spur people to action. Very good blog post – I will be sharing. Thank you! ~Suerae

  6. Roy,

    I keep forgetting to get my legal matters in order. My biggest worry is my kids. If both me and my husband pass at the same time, what will happen to them? We have verbally asked my brother in law and his wife but I know this needs to be in writing to avoid confusion.

    And at the very least, my dog, my business, and any accounts I have. I should be sure they are taken care of properly.

    Thank you for the reminder. Know I know what I need to do this weekend. 🙁 Not have fun, that’s for sure. LOL.

    ~Allie

    1. Allie-
      It is an issue. But, to be honest, with a great relationship, these questions and answers only serve to cement the love and feelings further into the foundations.
      Thanks for dropping in. Even more thanks for your comments.
      Roy

  7. We need to live today but we need to care for the future. It is important that your loved ones know and respect what you intend. It will reduce friction

  8. First, I want to say thanks for the witty way you presented this post on a very important subject that affects everyone – and which again many people do not address mostly for lack of clear and concise information, compelling reasons and cons against not doing it. Your example cases also bring it home.

    As always, I leave your blog with “wows and aha” – more educated on topics not widely discussed.

    1. Stella-
      I thank you for your kind words!
      And, I am thrilled that you dropped in and left your comments.
      I always worry that the “aha” is made too late- and after we could have had that V-8!
      Forewarned, forearmed, and going forward is the process for which we need to aim!
      Roy

  9. Roy this is a great topic and so so important. Having been faced with having to make a decision about life support I know how painful it can be. If there was some directive in place or even if a conversation had occured prior it would make it so much easier. Whilst this is something that at middle age and older we consider, its still really important for young people to think about to. Its often a taboo subject. Ive talked to my kids about it but they need to get it on something legal. My daughter who has 2 children has a will, as do I, though I do need to update it. The other things that a couple of my friends have organised is something that gives them the power to make health related decisions for each other (rather than a family member). When you are in that life support situation it is the NOK that holds all the power! Family squabbles at times like these abound. Nominating someone that you know will follow your wishes and understands what you want would be a gift indeed.
    I could go on, we havent touched on organ donation yet??????
    Thanks for posting such a relevant topic.

    1. Maureen.
      Your comments are a most valuable addition. I hope that everyone who reads the blog reads your comments, as well.
      re: organ donation. For centuries,it was against the law in my religion. But, 15 years ago or so, the head of my group changed the rule. It was a Tuesday, i believe. On Wednesday morning, I was at the DMV changing my license to designate that I was an organ donor…
      Roy

  10. Check, Check … oops! Don’t have the Health Care Directives and I appreciate you sharing this information Roy. Will have to talk to my husband and look into doing this right away. It totally makes sense.

    1. Great, Lynn!
      That was really the whole reason to write this! It is so disheartening to deal with families – ones folks thought were totally harmonious- fighting over every little thing. And, forgetting what the individual really wanted!
      Roy

  11. You made some excellent points, Roy. My dad passed away last year and had a health care directive, will and living trust. We miss him a great deal, but the settlement of his estate was smooth.
    I have a will be not a health care directive….will work on that.

    1. Great idea, Janette:
      I don’t know about you, but I spent a long time thinking about it. And, when I was married, we both discussed it. Obviously, I have since changed the designee- but I’ve also added a few conditions that needed to be spelled out, due to the changes in technology (and where I DON’T want to be).
      Good luck- and congratulations on the great start!
      Roy

  12. Great reminders Roy. And I have these things. Yes, I am only 30 and I never really thought about needing them, but I have four kids. I need to make sure things are in place should anything every happen.

    1. Melissa:
      You are among the reasons I wrote this. (Not you personally, but in general.)
      As I wrote to someone earlier, right after I posted this I received a notice from a synagogue member whose close relative and her husband were killed in a head-on collision. Their two older children may be paralyzed and the youngest is in serious condition. There are no instructions left for the children’s care- among other terrible decisions that now must be made…
      As young as you are, you need to assure your children’s care and growth. And, you probably want to have a decision on whether you want a resuscitation order, drip-feed if brain-damaged, etc.
      Not happy thoughts. But, we must take care of our kids the best we can.
      Roy

  13. Thanks for these important reminders, Roy. I do have a Medical Directive and Living Will with my husband having one copy and two other persons as well, in the unfortunate event my husband and I are together if something tragic happens. It’s so important that our families know what actions we’d like to take so that they are not left with the burden to decide and sometimes a lifetime of guilt feelings.

    We keep talking about a Will and even have the forms but haven’t made one yet. You’ve reminded me this is something we need to take care of.

    1. Yippee!
      I love hearing that. Not that I want anyone to go away, Yvonne (ok, let’s restate that as most everyone…) But, I want their wishes complied- and to live the life the way they dream- and not from their nightmares!
      Roy

  14. Hey Roy,

    Thankfully no big healthcare decision to be taken as yet; but yes, better to be safe than sorry. A will is so important. As for us, religion has guidelines to what and how the will should be, but have seen loads of people fighting over it in family and it can get ugly…with all respect. Yes, many people misread it, read between the lines and there is such drama involved. Crisp and clear is what it should be.

    As for health decisions, I have to consider may things after reading this.

    Thanks for making us face reality as sensibly as it should be done.

    1. Hi, Hajra:
      Yes, I know religion has rules. (Mine does, too!) But, those rules are less clear when there are gender issues. And, then again- if it’s a necklace, should it not go to the daughter and not the son? those kind of issues.
      And, the health issues are the biggy…
      Thanks for your comment. And, thanks for considering the issues. They are not fun- but much less so when the time comes to have a decision made NOW- and there is no guidance.
      Take care- please don’t need them- but have them ready….in case.
      Roy

  15. Hi Roy,

    Thanks for shedding light onto this topic. I don’t have either one and you are right about the “I don’t need to think about this now” attitude.

    What’s interesting is that recently, I thought that I don’t know where my parents have made investments etc and if they even have a will. However, I never thought of applying this to me!

    Thanks for the reminder,
    Diana

    1. Diana:
      I am so glad you read this, then…
      I seem to recall you have nieces, and not children, so some of this is less apropos. But, I’d hate to consider something ever happening to you- and having some stranger make a decision about what happens with your treatment.
      And- it’s great “seeing” you back!
      Roy

  16. This is such an important post, Roy! Thanks for bringing this up! Talking about wills (or death even) is kind of taboo in the Chinese culture, but I totally respond to your call to action. I know I need to and I want to make these decisions. I’ll have to figure out how it works in Canada.

    Thanks so much, Roy!

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  18. Superb article Roy and I salute you for this educative site of yours.This will definitely gives a hint for everyone who wish to secure their belongings not just a hint but enough knowledge that can be use as their weapons as well as a shield. [ where to find sample wills dot com ]

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