I read a post the other day by Cathy Miller, one of my “penpals” here on the web. I liked it and tweeted so others could learn her point of view- we could all learn from it, even if it just serves as a refresher. Her post was a modern take on “walk a mile in his shoes”.
Here are the first and last lines of her post…
We all judge. At times, it seems we cannot help ourselves.
But, what if we tried?
Think about it. We judge even the most inconsequential elements of life.
Just think what the world would be if we tried not to judge too quickly. If we opened our hearts and our minds to the frailty inside us all.
Given the news this month, it’s time for all of us to reassess how we make our impressions. I’ll admit it- I liked Anthony Weiner. I had the opportunity to meet him at a health policy conference and liked that he did not pull any punches and told it like it is. I began following him. (No, not on Twitter, silly- in real life.) Until a few days ago. I won’t bother recounting his failure, since it’s well known, but I will recount a prescription provided by (ex)Governor Rendell of Pennsylvania. He suggests that Anthony get help- fast. He likened him to a smart person, addicted to crack, knows that it’s bad for him, but still takes a hit. He needs rehab.
Do I want to walk in Anthony’s shoes? I think not. No, I know not. But, that’s NOT the subject of this post either. It’s how some people make their first impressions- but never verify (the addition I suggested to Cathy on her post) that those first impressions are correct.
I ran into this problem myself just this week. I posted a series on entrepreneurship (this is the middle of the 3 articles, where the definition of entrepreneurship was proposed) , because I am tired of folks lumping together various founders and enterprises and labeling them incorrectly. By continually doing so, public policy that is based on such erroneous considers does not promote entrepreneurship; it holds it back. We need to foster innovation (an activity that is just limited to entrepreneurs-it’s everyone’s job), but that is not the same as fostering entrepreneurship.
I quoted one person’s blog. I thought it would promote discussion. The author took umbrage- over the course of three comments in three separate places. Not at the quote, not at the definition (although that was initially claimed), but because it challenged their self-defined position (this was obtained via a separate eMail sent to me). And, that person assumed (love that word, from the vernacular definition), that someone who would challenge my beliefs would make me run for cover. Oh, and the author doubted I had my statistics available for review (kind of thrown in as a nana, nana, poo poo). Anyone who knows me understands how ridiculous these two assumptions truly are.
We only learn by having our beliefs challenged. It forces us to think things through and see the issues from another’s perspective. I personally welcome that- which is why discussion is DESIRED and not discouraged on this blog. (Grammar and spelling errors may be corrected to protect the innocent, however.)
I look forward to your comments- always.
Ah first impressions. Where would I be without them…possibly not as opinionated because people would have listened to me the first time instead of me having to harp on all the time : ) But then again those people never returned to listen to what I had to say. Their loss!
Janine Ripper recently posted..Celebrating the Red-Headedness
Janine:
You are absolutely correct. There is a sentence in the bible that should define it all: Who is wise? One who can learn from everyone.
Thanks for being among my teachers and helping to explain the post!
Roy
Roy,
A very good post. ‘Assuming’ that someone is an expert without validating the information that they are tossing out can lead to some very embarrassing situations. It is further complicated by the fact that each and every one of us makes a decision about what is ‘true’ and ‘valid’. Trust is good, up to a point, but validation is greater. And that is only ‘my’ opinion! 🙂
Bruce W. Darby recently posted..Now that you know why…
We all have opinions, Bruce. That’s the good thing! When we have opinions that ignore the facts, that’s a terrible thing.
Climate change, creationism at the expense of science, going helmetless on a motorcycle. Enough!
Thanks for dropping in and adding to the discussion. You help make things clear! Love your next to last line!
Roy
Hi, Roy: I got sidetracked by your middle of 3 article, but I’m back. 🙂
First, thanks for the shout-out and the discussion. I loved the trust, but verify comment you offered on my post. It reminds me of one of my favorite Mark Twain quotes: “There are three kinds of lies – Lies, damn lies and statistics.”
I admit I didn’t read #1 and #3 of your entrepreneur articles (but I plan to), but I wonder if you could give an example of public policy being based on the erroneous lumping together of various founders. Not challenging (although I know you welcome that) 🙂 – just not sure where this applies.
Thanks for the education.
Cathy Miller recently posted..Posts in Friday Lite Review
Thanks for the visit, Cathy- and the questions.
The US lets each state (ok, I know states rights) provide tax benefits to have a company leave one area and locate in another. That does NOT promote growth- it does promote movement. It may help a state temporarily- until a bigger incentive is offered to have folks leave. That is the state level.
The Federal level uses tax incentives for capital items- yes, that may help us out of a recession- but, we’ve been doing it way before the current mess. When asked to provide tax rebates to growing firms- the government policy is that is wrong. Yet, that is EXACTLY what they provide the petroleum industry and companies like GM that pay taxes so low (or receive tax refunds for taxes NOT paid) that any small company would salivate at similar treatment.
It would make sense to have (especially now) a tax reduction on the EMPLOYER side of social security for two years and the law be sunseted at its start for any firm that increases its employment by 10% or more. That will let them hire more people and grow their firm. It will be harder for the larger firms to do so, but if they elect to do so, the public gain is immense. Yes, social security receives less money per employee, but overall the funds grow as employment increases. It cuts unemployment benefits, since folks are employed- that saves Federal AND state dollars. It cuts the need for AFDC, since people get off the roles (it is no longer the province of the poor).
Other non-entrepreneurial policies are the QUOTE UNQUOTE small business set-asides. The Feds have now redefined the term to cover firms that are so large as to be meaningless. No, I am not talking about 500 employees, but firms that have interlocking S corporations at their core, so that a firm of 1000’s appears as multiple small entities. It is also how one political party claims that the tax increase at the highest level will decimate small business (not).
I could go on and on (and often do), but it’s Friday. That means I only work 1/2 a day and need to get on with the business of generating income and capital for my firm!
Thanks again for your comments and questions. We can continue on other posts- and days like Monday to Thursday when darkness does not demand the cessation of work.
Roy
The challenges strengthen our resolve. It’s like working out, you get weaker so you can get stronger. Excellent.
Great stuff. Cool site.
tyler recently posted..Rappers Delightful Conversation Remix
Nice to have you drop in, Tyler! And, thanks for your comments.
Please visit again, soon- or better yet, subscribe so you can receive all the posts as soon as they are available.
Roy
Hi Roy
I am glad you decide to challenge your beliefs. I really believe there is no other way to obtain clarity of perception. But the sad part is that your attitude is far from being the standard, especially in those who are supposed to seek for the truth (scientists, clergymen and parents).
Challenging others’ beliefs can be dangerous. The expected reaction is to run for cover. Why do you think it is it like that? The obvious answer is that people are afraid to lose their public credibility, but in many cases is much deeper than that: people are terrified of finding out that their beliefs are false.
I am not that interested in challenging other people beliefs as my own, but I think that the same defense mechanism applies even in this case.
Gustavo| Frugal Science recently posted..Question everything
Gustavo:
This probably comes from participating in debate club for my junior high and high school career, plus my activities in politics and change.
One challenges one’s own beliefs (or should) all the time. And, you are right, challenging another’s can be dangerous. Ask any of us who participated in registering folks to vote in the South in the 60’s and 70’s, participated in challenging the government’s effort in the war machine on campus and the Vietnam War in those same years, Mayor Daley in Chicago with his machine/police state, etc. But, you can only make the world better by insuring things do change- and that requires challenging the status quo…
We ALL are terrified that our beliefs could be based upon chimera… but, we are (or should be) more terrified of acting incorrectly due to a false belief. Sound principles yield sound actions.
Like your piece- Question everything!
Thanks for your tremendous addition to the explanation of the premise. Every piece helps another person get more information!
Roy
Hi Roy,
In my life, I have learned from bitter experience that often, first impressions are misleading. Therefore, I make up my own mind about people and matters of interest, and try not to let others or the media dictate what I think. This tallies with what you say about reassessing first impressions, but I was distracted when you used Anthony Wiener to make a point. My opinion, as an outsider, is of little concern but if the man does his job well, that’s what should matter most. Everyone makes stupid mistakes – some more blatant than others or might I say, not as easy to cover up. He may very well need help, but his job performance is what should concern everyone and if it’s been affected by his ridiculous behavior. (There are plenty of skeletons in seemingly “nice” politicians’ closets that have never come to light.) That said, I got distracted here as well, but hope I made my point.
I agree wholeheartedly that we learn by having our beliefs challenged and seeing issues from another’s perspective. What I don’t agree with is the need for some loudmouths to try and shove their opinions on me without taking into account MY beliefs or arguments. I never belonged, like you, to a debate society and not being American, I’m unaccustomed to being shouted into acquiescence, and my low-key English sarcasm or irony is often not understood or lost in a verbal battle here. I learned in 2002 to keep my mouth shut. Who was I to question the veracity of WMD as a reason (excuse) to invade Iraq? As Gustavo commented above, challenging others’ beliefs can be dangerous especially when they are zealots/patriots driven by righteous indignation. I gather that you have faced many of these in your time. But I agree: we must always question even when, as you say, our beliefs could be based on chimera; though I think, in this world, almost everything that we believe in is based on chimera – illusions, fabrications, delusions, etc.
Penelope J. recently posted..Those Little Stones That Trip Us
Penelope- loved your comments. And, for challenging me to explain some of what I wrote.
I am NOT calling for Anthony’s resignation. I am saying that I thought he had more control and honor than that. I do believe he has made his capability to be a spokesman for various causes he espoused moot. That may limit his effectiveness as a Congressperson- but that is an issue for NY 1 to decide.
Shouting is NOT a debate. I recently terminated a friendship I had for some 15 years with a person of the opposite point of view. We started discussing an issue- and he refused to yield the floor (shut up comes to mind, after the 10 minutes of his tirade) as if that would convince me of the folly of my ways. It didn’t- except to include him among the circle of friends I maintain.
I hope that makes it clearer.
Thanks SO MUCH for your comments, questions, and visit. Really!
roy
you may think this funny.. but when it comes to the news… I am literally living under a rock. I only know small tidbits about mr… Weiner… but if we must challenge our first judgments, then we must also challenge our second and third and fourth. What makes anyone think that what he did compromises his ability to do a job that has a very particular job description… what makes any of us feel that his behavior is inappropriate… I really have NO IDEA of any of the details.. but what can you verify from this situation.. other than circumstances happened… what judgments will be accurate to make about Weiner from here on out? PS.. I love the fact that his name is Weiner.. it just tickles me like a grade-schooler!
Justice Calo Reign recently posted..Strength Spotlight- Judgment- critical thinking- and open-mindedness
Justice, I follow the news (in, oh, so many newspapers, networks, journals) and it was still unclear exactly what did or did not transpire. What is clear is that Anthony did not demonstrate integrity- and, if the stories are true, did demonstrate very poor judgment. It has been claimed he knew he was being set up by certain individuals, but because he either is addicted to this behavior or had an acute case of hubris, exhibited poor judgment. But, that’s just a sideshow. What it meant is that we, the people, did not render the proper first judgment and were set up for accepting his fall from grace. I could have chosen John Edwards or former Governor Mike Easley for similar approbation. All they do is serve as examples of first impressions that were positive- and wrong.
Jumping to conclusions without ever verifying those assumptions- and continuing to act on those assumptions- is the most dangerous of behaviors.
As you said in your post: Believe what you believe with every fiber of your being, but don’t let the belief keep you from exploring greater truth!
Thanks for your comments.
Roy
Ok, so now I get it! Yes, you know what I mean 😉
First impressions are always deceiving, there are way too right or way too wrong so that is another issues. But yes, we have to know that the virtual us and the real us are always different. (We lie to our friends on Facebook and are truthful to strangers!) But when giving our opinion we should be open to opinion, opinion that may be against our core belief systems sometimes but that is how we grow, that is how we learn, that is how we progress and that is how we succeed. All we need is tolerance and acceptance that we might be wrong. If that happens, it would make the world a much happier place.
There are many things I disagree with, especially coming from a region where people take things too personally and debates end up as fights and personal offences are always an end result. I thought maybe I should shut up, but more importantly when to shut up.
Like my grandpa says, the winner isn’t necessarily the one who fights (literally!) but the one who learns!
Your ideas are brilliant and definitely a learning experience for everyone who comes in touch…. the man who taught me the word “kvell”!
Hajra recently posted..Fridays will be differentThanks to Janine Ripper!
I should steal your comments and put them in my post, Hajra! Absolutely perfect!
Thanks for bringing the points home.
Roy
I for one never want to jump to conclusions. I think there is too much media, and in your face media, where we are all arm chair experts and angels. I don’t ever want to claim that I know this man or know what he actually did just because I heard sometihng or saw something in a 2 minute video or audio clip. Has the social media turned us into where we find anyone that does any little thing wrong they are immediately thrown aside or worse, seen as a bad human being?
As you can tell Roy your post got me going! I hope your main objective here was to inspire us to take a breather, don’t react on a whim and find out the facts first before we form such a definite opinion.
Lynn Brown recently posted..Online Business Success – Waiting for the perfect moment to jump in
Lynn- your second paragraph said it all! Absolutely true and thanks for making that point absolutely cogently!
Roy
I so value conversation, Roy! I’m finding that my blog has even evolved into a conversation. If there’s something I don’t know too much about and don’t have much of an opinion on yet, I post it out there to the world and people help me understand the different sides to it! =)
Samantha Bangayan recently posted..Lucho Quequezana- Multicultural Musicians Playing Peruvian Tunes
Absolutely true, Samantha. And, like I said to Janette, but explaining our point of view, we need to define it to ourselves first…
Thanks for your comments.
Roy
Very interesting post, Roy. I agree that we can learn by having our beliefs challenged. I think most things can be worked out between people if conversation is allowed to continue until both people understand what is being said.
I like what Stephen Covey says in 7 Habits of Highly Successful People….”Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”
Janette Fuller recently posted..Book Review- 20 Steps To Art Licensing
Actually, Janette, one of the best challenges is to be able to explain your point of view to someone else. If one is being truthful (and not parroting another’s thoughts), then one must be clear, cogent, and convinced. That means one must challenge one’s assumptions to ascertain the facts.
Fairly similar to what Stephen had to say.
Thanks for dropping in!
Roy