I was examining a new book (Precious Objects by Alicia Oltuski) this past weekend. Not because I am interested in the diamond business per sé, but because I know a few who are so engaged and also know it’s a bastion of activity for Orthodox Jewry. What most may not know is that this entire business is built on trust. Not a lot is written down.
My first exposure to the diamond headquarters of New York was when I went to buy an engagement ring for my girlfriend (a long, long time ago). My decision was to spend all the money I had made over an eight week period at one of my businesses. I examined the rings that Sam Mertz (A’H) showed me and chose one within my price range. He told me to take it home and ask my girlfriend. If she said yes, I would come back with the payment. I asked him if he was kidding- and his answer was “Do I look like I’m kidding?”. I did, she did, and he got paid.
That taught me a lesson in trust. This man- who did not really know me (I was referred to him by a friend)- let me walk out of his place with a $ 2000 ring- no questions asked. (Should I say this was 1972?)
My next exposure to this kind of trust was during a trip to Israe-l. My second. I was meandering in the Old City of Jerusalem and happened upon an art shop that had wonderful paintings. (I saw many other shops, but this one had art that was out-of-this-world.) There was an artist painting and another artist I recognized, that also seemed to be painting. The painting next to him was the one that compelled me to enter the shop. It was a painting of the Wailing Wall (now called the Western Wall), with ephemeral beings seemingly praying and a central prayer on the wall. (Hear O Israel, Hashem, Your G0d, is one- in the Hebrew.)
I examined this painting from several angles, while the two painters were having a conversation. I was absolutely taken aback- both by the painting and my being allowed to hear this conversation, at all. After about 30 minutes or so (and the sharing of a cup of coffee), I thanked them and left.
I went back to that shop the next day to look at that same painting. One of the painters was still there and still painting. It turned out he owned the shop. We spoke again. He wanted to know if I wanted to buy the painting. Of course, I did- but I could not possibly afford it. He asked how much I could pay. (By the way, I was and am still the world’s worst bargainer.) I told him I was a graduate student, who even with a job and full tuition paid, could not possibly afford the painting.
Cutting the story short, after some further bantering, he offered to let me take the painting home (to America). If I liked it, I should pay him what I told him I had on hand and a certain amount every month for a year or so. I was – and still am, to this very day- dumbfounded at that offer. Elyada Merioz (A’H) of the Blue and White Gallery did not know me from a hole in the wall. And, he trusted me to pay him for a painting over the course of more than a year- even though I lived in America. That’s trust.
I kept my end of the bargain. This painting is still my favorite. And, I have returned often to this gallery- now run by his son- and purchased more art. (OK, kids, no need to scream too much art.)
I learned this was the right way to do business. And for decades, our company used a handshake to transact our business with large and small clients alike- with fees that ranged from $ 1000 to $ 400,000. Until one client screwed us out of a lot of money. We still use handshakes, but a little less liberally than before.
Oh. That painting and the painter? The Wailing Wall. Salvador Dali. It is my children’s favorite, too! Does it take your breath away, too?
Roy, this is a great story. 1972 that was a day ago. Trust is important in everything that we do in life. In business, it is wise to proceed with caution.
My philosophy, Ria, is to extend trust to all that enter. It’s theirs to destroy- and then I will decide how to deal with the situation then….
Roy
Salvador Dali!!!!!!!! OMG! I <3 him! I painted "The Persistence of Memory" while in high school (not super great, but ok) and I loved his work ever since. What a great story Roy, and yes trust is an amazing thing.
FYI I am not the greatest bargainer myself.
I am a fan of that painting, too, Karla. I was going to buy a sculpture when I was in Paris that involved the dripping clock… but, every time we got to the dotted line, the price went up. So, I went out…
Roy
This same issue of trust came up in a conversation yesterday. How ironic (or synchronistic!) it is to hear the message again.
What a glorious post, Roy! Thank you!
Glad you were intrigued, PeggyLee.
And,thanks for the approbations!
Roy
Wow, Roy! What an amazing story. Beautiful painting!
What you say about trust and doing business is very good. I am sorry that some people are not honest and take advantage of people who trust them.
Janette:
It’s theirs to blow. And, that’s ok. There’s plenty of potential friends and clients in this world.
Thanks for the comments.
Roy
What a wonderful story. So you paid probably $12000 for the Salvador Dali over the course of the year. May I ask how much it is worth now? It must be priceless.
Danny:
The value of the painting is the joy it brings to me each and every day. It is dead center in my dining room. And, since I have guests over often (very, very often) to share dinner, it is always in my sight.
And, yes, it’s been appraised…
Thanks for the comments!
Roy
Yes, it does! Particularly, the color selection: it gives the sensation of a very sunny afternoon to me.
What a great couple of stories! –there’s storytelling, right there.
I honestly think that relationships (especially in business and networks) built upon trust are now more important than ever –and it is going to be even more critical in the near future-, considering all the information available everywhere. Times will come when we will no longer know who to believe, and the amount of information will be too big to be handled alone (a little drama there to spice the comment).
Gustavo, I am so glad you love the painting. Obviously, so do I.
And, yes, trust is a critical component of our lives. But, the internet is among the worst of locations to find trust. Too many fake factoids.
Thanks for your comments.
Roy
It is very encouraging Roy, to hear about this accounts of trust. Of course, this is trust regarding money to a large extent. I sometimes wonder about trust of people with guidance/friendship and “need to know” information. I often experienced being let down in these matters. When hurt, I have periods of being cynical. This passes and I try again. Ever the optimist, I like to hear about accounts such as these because they restore faith in human nature.
Marty, that was an astute observation. And, given what you know about the human condition, you can infer that my trust extends way beyond monetary consideration. After all, most of us (at least here in the states) know the dictum, “In G0d we trust, all others pay cash”. We are generally less wiling to offer out money without some sort of collateral.
So, yes, I offer my trust to all. It’s yours to destroy….
Roy
For years, my father did business on a handshake. I also do as you do, Roy A. Ackerman which is to give people the benefit of the doubt as often as possible…otherwise, I live in a world of doubt, mistrust and expecting the worst instead of the best. I balance this with trusting my own intuition and also as much as possible working with those who share similar core values. I love your stories and your personal ethics, Roy!…
Tambre, handshakes really tell us something about people. Not just the grip- but where the eyes land, which way the body slants, and the like.
And, I also have no wish to live in that world of doubt and mistrust- been there, done that, and found my own universe, thank you….
Roy
The issue of trust in today’s world is critical. Contracts really only make lawyers rich and the trust comes from something inside that allows a great gift to be shared.
As for the painting. I have always love Dali since I first saw one in Glasgow. His painting and style inspire something inside the soul. And as for the man not knowing you. He watched you for two days. He knew you loved it and that allowed him to trust you.
Thanks for telling the stories
I agree, Roberta, Dali’s paintings draw something from me. And, I also agree that we need to extend trust to receive trust.
I am somewhat tired of folks expecting things and never offering the same in return.
Roy
Wow – that is an incredible story of how people have trusted you as you ventured through life. It must have left you with such an indelible imprint on the way you relate to others too Roy and the trust you show in them.
Salvador Dali eh? Fantastic. In my late teens and early twenties I had books on salvador dali strewn around and a couple of prints! His work at that time though (in the late 70s) had become very surrealist. I found him and his paintings fascinating.
Thanks for your comments, Maureen.
I feel that trusting folks means I do my best- and so do they. If we don’t trust, then everyone else feels it- and wonders why they should trust you. The spiral ends in a very bad place, I fear.
Regarding Salvador Dali, he was demonstrating his trademark antics, which brought him to my attention. But, also he was featured (at least once) in a required reading magazine while I was in school (ARTNews, I believe) and I loved his paintings regrading time and fantasy. We each have our own attraction to art pieces- his drew me!
Roy
Hey Roy,
I was so moved by this post. A long time before a post had such an effect on me. The painting is beautiful, very beautiful in fact. I ain’t such a art enthusiast, but that painting is something I would change my mind for.
As for trust, I hadn’t had much experience with it as yet. But there is an incident I would like to share. My supervisor during internship days, got a call from a young boy who wanted help for his problems, but he thought shrinks charge too much and he was just a kid and his parents couldn’t afford a shrink for many reasons. But he was desperate for help. So this is what the supervisor told him – come, talk to me, if it works and if you feel you are cured, then you can pay me when you can afford it. Just come and talk to me once. Just 2 years later, that lil boy is working his way through life, earning part time and he has payed her up as well. Trust, both ends, indeed.
Fantastic add, Hajra…
Thanks so much for that anecdote.
More importantly, it showed that your supervisor knows that it is not always about money- it’s about providing care to those who need it.
Thanks for dropping in.
Roy
The painting is breathtaking and painful to look at. The beauty of it keeps you from looking away.
Trust is one of the most important aspects in life. It’s hard to earn and slow to gain back. I’m known to cut people out of my lives if I can’t trust them. If I can’t trust you what’s the point of having a business or personal relationship? Harsh? Maybe. But we each have a limited time to live. It’s important to take the lessons learned and accomplish what you are here to do.
Thanks for the beautiful post, Roy.
Sherrie
Sherrie-
Thanks for your comments. I am glad you like that painting. I love looking at it all day long (sometimes, I have to do work, though 🙂 ).
I also understand what happens when folks abuse your trust. It’s a gut wrenching decision, but one that needs be done.
Roy
Great article Roy! I guess for me, and many others, after the Bernie Madoff and the others on Wall Street, it has taken the word of trust and put a big question mark on it. I know I can trust my family and close friends. But things have changed since 1972, where I too remember my parents giving the local banker a handshake for a car loan they recd to buy a beautiful new family station wagon!
I love that there still ARE people that will trust others, as I hope we can gain that back as a society.
The only way that happens, Lynn, is if we start doing it ourselves.
RE: Bernie Madoff, I have never met him. But, given what I have heard, I would have questioned him long, long ago. Gift horses are just those. It’s like those politicians that perpetually provide simple answers to complex questions. You have to wonder if they even comprehend the issues- let alone the answers.
Roy
Hi Roy,
First of all, thanks for sharing the painting – absolutely love it.
It’s an interesting post you shared because I like the idea of trust in doing business. What you have mentioned about these people trusting you, are they able to sense that they can trust you and that’s why they were open to letting you take the diamond and painting first? I wonder if they are this trusting with everyone.
All the best,
Diana
Thanks for your questions, Diana.
You may be right…The jeweler used that practice with everyone. The Blue and White still uses this practice (the original owner is dead), but I have heard rumors that there may have been problems in the recent past. But, that does really mean they followed this practice with everyone. Because, it’s entirely possible, that like I do, I won’t take on a client with whom I fail to develop rapport. (Some of the other offices HAVE taken on clients with whom I cannot relate; I keep my distance to be on the safe side.)
Roy
Forty years ago the father of a friend of mine sold his business in England when he retired. He and the purchaser agreed on a certain price and shook hands on the deal. The next day someone else offered 5,000 pounds more, and the broker was anxious for my friends father to take the second deal. He would not budge and insisted on keeping his deal with the first man. He was a true gentleman.
Elizabeth:
First, nice to meet you! And, kudo’s to your friend’s dad. He provided a message to his family- and to you- about the need to keep one’s word and live with integrity.
The 5000 pounds would have been nice, I’m sure, but it probably would have eaten at him and left him less likely to enjoy those additional riches.
Thanks for dropping in. And, those strawberries have me salivating!
Roy
Roy, aloha. What an absolutely amazing story. Thank you so much for sharing it. That you continued this same trust in your business speaks volumes; I love knowing that about you, Roy.
Your story about taking the ring home is delightful. It would be interesting to know if under similar circumstances today, the merchant would do the same.
Roy, the painting is beyond exquisite. Without a doubt that is the best art story I have ever heard. Looking at the picture as often as you do and retelling that wonderful story frequently, must fill you with joy on a regular basis. Now that I know this picture is here, Roy, I will be back to visit it and reflect.
Wishing you a magnificent day. Until next time, aloha. Janet
Janet- thanks for your additions!
That jeweler will unfortunately not be around to let me try this out. But, I believe, knowing what I know about the diamond business, that the situation will still obtain, albeit with different faces and personalities. And, that speaks volumes more to me. It means the tradition of trust and business/personal ethics still has hope in today’s day and age.
It’s our job to extend that tradition.
Glad you love the painting. I’ll have to have you join my gang (a loose confederation of folks who sup with me on Friday nights [and other nights, too!] when you elect to visit the Capitol area.
Roy