Roy A. Ackerman, PhD, EA
Here we go, another nature vs. nurture argument. Why do we succeed? Most folks (lets keep the politicians out of this discussion and limit our considerations to facts) think this is related to our abilities, our cognitive skills. In other words, our ability to detect patterns, to perform analyses (calculations and logic), and to recognize letters and words. And, that we should practice these skills often and early. (It should be clear that we are talking about the intelligence that is manifested on IQ tests).
Then, there are those who believe we succeed based upon our character. The non-cognitive skills such as grit, self-confidence, curiosity, persistence, and self control. All of these factors develop when we are subjected to failure- and to overcoming that failure. 
I, for one, believe we need both- for the very best of successes. Maybe, because I am lucky enough to have enough capabilities that suit both theories, that I can and do succeed. But, more probable, because I have seen this duality to be true in others, as well. (Which is why I am often writing about failure- and reminding others that we learn more from failure than we do from success, as seen here and here, among others.) The problem is- and I must acknowledge that some of this new information was concisely summarized for me by Paul Tough, someone I learned about last year when he had an article published in the New York Times Magazine– regardless of the nature with which our children are endowed, we are not affording them the proper nurture. Tough has published another book (his first is Whatever it Takes), How Children Succeed: Grit, Curiosity, and the Hidden Power of Character,that explains these issues.
Our prefrontal cortex is affected by stress. And, the prefrontal cortex is critical for emotional and cognitive control of our lives. So, given high stress, children tend to find it harder to sit still, concentrate, follow directions, and to deal with disappointments. In other words, we are providing these children ‘the perfect storm’ for school failure. We all know the children in the lower end of our socio-economic spectrum are thrown into lousy neighborhoods, the inability to switch schools to improve the educational offerings, insufficient medical care, and improper nutrition.
This is the one place where parenting really comes in handy- where the parents help the child learn from and about these conditions. But, the parents of these children do not have the time- or energy after working two jobs- to do so. Conversely, many of the upper-Middle-Class (and beyond) parents are too busy insuring their children are sheltered from any and all adversity, that their children never get the chance to encounter these failures to grow from them.
That is the problem I see with his book. It’s not a “how-to” book, prescribing choices by which we can change these practices. Instead, it’s simply a report on why this condition prevails in America. It’s just another description of the trend that the rich are getting richer at the expense of everyone else, but instead of providing this finding with graphs and numbers, Tough is doing it by showing us what’s happening to our kids. But, maybe those of us who are still raising kids (or grandkids) will take these considerations to heart. To determine how to do things differently; to make the difference in their lives.
Roy, there aren’t any kids that I saw when I was subbing that blew through school without being touched by failure of one sort of another–some because they aren’t being taught to read, others by being socially inept and still others because of issues I was unaware of. The problem is that teachers don’t tell the children that failure is part of learning so kids take it to mean they are failures, not that they need to go back and learn the material (I am a person who believes in mastery learning). As for the children with poor social skills, I am not sure how they learn from their failures. I have one young lady (of 27) who is struggling with this whereas she did not have the problem as a school student. I just tell her that making friends is like sales. You get lots of “nos” for each “yes.” And, yes, there is a strong element of nature and nurture in all we do whether we fail, succeed or do a measure of both.
Ann Mullen recently posted..Our Home Care Mission
I’m sure that’s true, Ann! And, I don’t know about teachers today- but mine clearly made sure we knew that failure was not a terminal state.
Maybe that is something this NCLB crap can finally solve…
Great article, Roy! I have a bit to add to the upper-middle class/upper class argument. A friend of mine is a public educator (high school teacher) in a well-to-do area. She constantly comments on the fact that the parents of these children, raised w/a silver spoon in their mouths (as they old saying goes) are now experiencing the same kind of home life as the lower-class children…just for different reasons. These upper-middle to upper class children are left to fend for themselves constantly because the parents are too busy with their all-consuming careers to “bother” with parenting. They believe that throwing money at their children solves the problem. It may solve the parents’ guilt, but it certainly doesn’t address the lack of active parenting…being genuinely involved in their child(ren) life/lives. Although these students may come to school fed (yep…stopped at McDonald’s or Starbucks on the way to school), they lack sleep (parents don’t ensure proper bedtime routine) & lack parental nurturing that is critical to academic success! Just had to throw that tidbit of info into the mix!
Lynn Brown recently posted..Business Concepts
That is a key point, Lynn. I am so glad you brought it up.
That theme was also addressed in an older post of mine… https://www.adjuvancy.com/wordpress/http:/www.adjuvancy.com/wordpress/forget-dream-downward-mobility/
I’m with you and agree that greater success is given to those who have both character as and cognitive skills. Parenting *seemingly* sure has gone by the wayside. I see it time and time again on both ends. On one hand you have the less fortunate who feel they don’t have the time needed to teach their kids about this very topic (and more often than not don’t have the knowledge to do so anyway) and on the other hand, the well off folks don’t seem to understand the value of failure (even though I’m sure they’ve gone through it themselves to get where they are) and try to shelter (as you’ve stated) their children from everything – which we all know isn’t good either.
How can people learn a happy middle? What will it take to get us to where we need to be to raise healthier minded kids so that we can enjoy greater successful adults?
I’ll also add to the pot that I think another part to this story is about the breakdown of relationships overall in our society. I feel if we nurtured better relationships and went back to caring more for our communities some of this can be avoided, i.e. the single parent working 2 jobs wouldn’t have to be the only one “raising” their job – others (wise ones) in the community can help fill the gap…
I guess we should lobby for Failure to be added to the school (and work) curriculum eh? 🙂
~Kesha
Kesha, The Uncommon Chick recently posted..Everything You Want is on the Other Side of Fear
Kesha:
I am not sure that “parenting” has gone out the window. But, given the economic conditions of the past 25 years, we have seen the need for both parents (assuming two) or one parent (with multiple jobs) to work “overtime” to develop the funds they need to survive. And, given that consideration, many are just too “burned out” to get out after dinner and visit the schools. Or, to examine their child’s work. (Some of them may not even comprehend the new methodologies.)
We have also decided that the delegation that we seem to have been provided at work is what makes sense at home and at school. So, we delegate our children’s educational concepts to schools and teachers. And, like many a boss, that means we dump the problem in their laps and provide no guidance. Often, they don’t provide sufficient resources (just like underfunding our schools). Just complaints about the lack of progress. See the analogy?
We need to develop cogent programs in civics- the material by which society grows and thrives. That means teaching responsibility (no, Mr. Romney, that does not mean we expect everyone to have an inheritance nest egg that we can grow- and then return the principal claiming it was done all by myself…), the need to care for our families’ protection- with and without the assistance of the state or the federal government, the need to understand that failure is not an end- but a means- to eventual success, etc.
Thanks for your fantastic comment.
This reminds me of a friend who used to teach 3rd graders at a school where the kids who were kicked out of the “regular” public school system went. A lot of the kids came from those homes where both parents worked long hours for not a lot of money. She said that many times the kids that acted out the worst were the ones that just wanted attention and that was the only way they knew how to get it. She tried to give every child some individual attention. After a little bit, the kids realized that she really cared about them and the outbursts lessened.
Evie Burke recently posted..Two Forms of Overwhelm and What To Do About Them
This is an absolutely fantastic anecdote, Evie…. And, I can provide other examples to bolster them. (Hmm. Probably, this author, as well…)
Thanks for the visit AND the comment.
Hi Roy!
i agree with your blog.i heard that in success people’s life come experience through failure.so i think that failure is a way to get success.thomas alva edison observed thousand of experiment but at last he succeeded.i like your tips.
anshul recently posted..Inventory Management Software
I have heard that statement about Edison, too. I am sure he had plenty of failures, but believe this to be a bit of a myth. But, the basic concept is absolutely true, Anshul. Especially, since he did NOT invent the light bulb…