Can you hear me now?

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We’ve got a problem.  We seem to have forgotten how to interact with humans.  Oh, don’t tell me that you text your friends, you “Facebook” them all the time.  No, that’s not human interaction.  That’s avoiding human contact- unless you live on the other side of the world from your friend.

One of the reasons I enjoy my coffee shop (St. Elmo’s) so much is that I get to see a slew of my local friends each day.  I even get to see many of my local clients, as well.  And, St. Elmo’s has a no cellphone policy- one that uses one of my posts to explain how annoying it is when someone uses a cellphone in a coffee shop (or any public place).

As I wrote some 3 years ago, we rely too much on technology to touch our friends, our clients, and our relatives.  I admit it- I’m guilty of the same problem.  Because it’s so darned easy.  But, I know that getting that call, that visit, or even that hand-written note really lets me know that others care; I owe them the same courtesy.

And, when we talk, we need to pay attention. That means eye contact.  No, it doesn’t mean we stare them down.  (I know- I’m guilty of that on more than a few occasions.)  It’s one reason why I love meeting with my firends at the coffee shop.  Because there are lots of folks around- which lets me look from one to the other every 10 seconds or so, so that our interactions don’t become the proverbial staring contests.

The rules for listeners and speakers are about the same.  We need to maintain eye contact for 7 to 10 seconds.  That also works if we are speaking to a group of folks.  That only rule of staring into space, making believe you are speaking to that special someone- it’s not appropriate.  You need to look at the various folks in the audience, keep the gaze attuned for a few seconds, and then move on to another corner (or direction).

That’s called communication…

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14 thoughts on “Can you hear me now?”

  1. Guilty. The only three people I see in “real life” regularly are my grammy, mom, and the gentleman who packs and ships my art. Everyone else I communicate with through electronic means. Being a semi-recluse and working a lot…it works for me. That said, when I do get shoved into a social situation…I feel and probably am awkward. Great post, Roy.
    Lisa recently posted..Nomads by Lisa Brandel

    1. So, Lisa, that must mean your first words are- Can I paint you? (Or, maybe you want that touchy-feely approach to sculpt them? OK, not going there!)
      And, you find it easier to drop your conversations on paper- rather than confront the intrepid starer, like me?

  2. Hear! Hear! I’m glad my kids have learned the art of being social. I was an extremely shy kid and it took me years to learn how to be sociable. In this day and age, it’s a rarity to see kids who aren’t glued to their psp, dvd or phone. Communication is more important than ever.

  3. Roy, It strikes me as really ironic that you are writing this post about how important face-to-face communication is, and then posting it on your blog! But that is the world we are living in today. The pendulum, hopefully, will swing back to face-to-face and away from the synthetic mode of social media, if we make an effort. Thanks for this little push. I actually crave human contact after I’ve been writing on the computer for long. We have a coffee shop in town, too, and the friendships I nurture there are very important to me. Cheers!
    Amy recently posted..Weekend Wishes

    1. Well, Amy…
      I am more than willing to drop in on you- when do you want me to visit? (You are welcome to visit the DC area any time…)
      And, believe it or not, there were two reasons why I started this blog….
      1) To alleviate the (some claimed) incessant eMails providing our clients advice, hints, knowledge, and money-saving techniques.
      2) To inform the rest of the world about the ways we can help them improve their bottom line, augment their operations, and better enjoy what they do.

  4. Love, love, love this. I have written more than a few posts on this at my personal blog. Have you seen the TED presentation, Connected, But Alone, from Sherry Turkle? http://on.ted.com/Turkle It’s about 20 minutes long, but I think it’s worth it-something else technology has done-shortened our attention span. 😉

    1. Cathy- I think I have…
      I, too, have written about this often. Because it is very disconcerting when sitting in a meeting or at a dinner table and seeing thumbs atwitter at the various “dumbphones” in various hands…

  5. It’s truly ironic that in this age of communication, it appears more and more people need to learn how to authentically communicate. I love technology and all the convenience it brings. However, as you’ve pointed out, there is still nothing more effective than face to face interaction, in terms of being able to fully convey a message. That being said, for someone so reserved and introverted like myself, I do appreciate the ease of being able to ‘communicate’ as best I could, albeit virtually 🙂

  6. Thank you for the rule about how long to look at a person when you are speaking. I have done that, but thought I was socially inept. Now when the person is speaking to me, I try to look at them evenly. That way when they look at me for the few seconds, we make eye contact. Is that the right way to be a listener?
    Ann Mullen recently posted..In Home Care: House Sharing and the Tax Man

    1. The right way for the speaker AND the listener. It means we are paying attention and care, Ann.
      (My biggest fault is to continually multi-task, which leaves the listener and/or speaker more than a little left out…)

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