I had a few of your readers complaining that my equation to figure out the chances of finding “the one” was too clinical and not romantic enough.  (Yes, some folks don’t want their comments published on the web; I do keep them private.)

My response was that they missed my message.  The equation does not help me find “the one”- just the likelihood that a specific venue might have more than a few choices.  (Don’t forget that I went to an engineering undergrad school- one where there were only four females- in ALL years.  I know when the chances to find someone are futile.)

And, today’s subject will get those folks dander up again.  Because the subject is prenuptial agreements (prenups).  My first marriage didn’t have one- and didn’t need one.  My second- we had one.  Why?

Prenups are used to decide who gets what if the marriage fails. (Let’s not forget that about ½ of all marriages do fail.)  It also determines what happens when there already is a family (it’s a second- or third or fourth- marriage) or when a spouse dies.

Now, I can tell you that many attorneys aver that a prenup can avoid expensive (and nasty) court battles in a divorce.  I don’t think so.   This is America- folks can sue for any reason, as long as they have money and anger.  (My prenup did not make the divorce any less contentious- but I’ll get to that later.)

If you are young, if this is your first marriage, and neither of you are loaded, there is no reason to consider a prenup.  There’s no assets to worry about, no kids who could be shortchanged should the marriage fail or a spouse die.

But, if you are business owner, you have a substantial asset base (or perhaps could inherit same), then a prenup may be in the offing.

If this is a second marriage and there are kids, then a prenup will help insure that those children won’t be shortchanged by the dissolution of the marriage.  A prenup can also make clear how funds will be available to the children to get them through college, buy their first car, etc.

A prenup can also help determine income and asset division when such items are acquired or developed during the course of the marriage.  It can set up whether alimony (or the more politically correct term, support) will have to be paid. And, what about a business owner who acquires a new division during the marriage?  Is that marital property or a pre-existing condition?  Do you really want to leave that up to some future court decision?

As you can see, these questions are pretty vexing.  And, since I tend to work with entrepreneurs and business managers, I have to advise them of the potential situations. But, being a romantic (yes, Virginia- even engineers and managers can be romantic), I understand that matters of the heart are rarely rational.

Another factor in the equation (there’s that word again)- there is no way one should bring up tje concept of a prenup at the last minute.  These agreements should be negotiated when one gets engaged- or shortly thereafter.  So both parties can consult their own attorneys and understand the ramifications- without the situation becoming rancorous or threatening.

Oh- and you should know that some states (like the Commonwealth of Virginia) don’t consider that prenuptial agreements are still valid if the marriage has been in existence for a decade or so.  (I know this from personal experience.  Except my [now ex-] wife wanted to use “just a few clauses from the prenup”.

Which led the judge to change his first statement and therefore employ the entire document as part of his decisions.  (Picking and choosing which clauses of an agreement that could still apply is not the way to make judges feel all that comfortable.)

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