I have written about memory and how it’s negatively affected by stress. How stress affects our immunity. While we do need a little stress to keep us on our toes, it’s a very fine line between ‘a little’ and ‘a lot’, and the boundaries are often what we fail to discern.
First of all, we have to recognize that the world does not stress us. Oh, it provides stressors- but it is up to us to let it get the better of us or not. It’s what separates “the men from the boys”, so to speak.
Often, it is our beliefs that cause us to respond stressfully. I know I see a situation and ask (cleaned up dramatically for this post)… “How the heck could s/he do that?” Or, when driving (which in DC is clearly defined as defensive driving all the time), wondering who that person really wanted to kill? (It’s why I crack jokes about certain driving traits. Among my favorites, is asking for permission- just for one day- to have immunity and a tank, to flatten out ‘Susie’ who loves to pass on the breakdown lane and cut me off or not slam on my brakes as ‘Howie’ makes that right hand turn from the left lane at 50 mph in front of me.)
We need to examine our beliefs to discern why things may not really be the cause for concern. Determine why what has happened did. Yes, the economy sucks and we need to cut back- on things we love. But, is that the fault of our suppliers raising their prices? Or, maybe because we have not looked at what we buy and why we buy it, improving our yield on various raw materials, so that the rising costs don’t affect us as much? Or, maybe this should be the reason why we try to develop a new process that uses different raw materials or fewer of them to produce our widget? Making it an opportunity instead of a problem alleviates our stress levels.
Or, your team is at sixes and nines. You think that the Congress has transmogrified itself into your employees. Where the concept of compromise and working together is, as was stated by a very scary candidate (Robert Mourdock), that compromise means that “the Democrats will simply do what I want”. We need to determine what past experiences, priorities, technical challenges, and cultural constraints each of us has that is directing our responses. And, recognizing that those differences are our strengths, not our weaknesses. We need to use them to our advantage, not as events causing us to pull our hairs out.
Or, when you are the financial manager of a firm that is holding its own in this economy- and then a new stress is imposed. The building that housed the firm for 50+ years is going federal and you have to move- NOW. Which causes everyone there to behave just a little squirrelly. That off-hand comment, that imputed put-down, they may not be really aimed at you, but a response to the situation with which everyone is dealing. It’s better to roll with the punches, until things return to normal in the new building, and not react directly to that “slap on the face”.
You know it’s true. You know you’ve done it. When your wife was in labor and you were there to help- but wondered how could you have married that invective-spewing, demanding, she-demon? It was stressful, but you knew from whence she came and you took it- with a smile. And, in a few hours (or, in my case, 28+ hours later), calm returned and that little bundle of joy brought solace to all.
Great leaders must challenge their assumptions, must see the world as it is, and from there determine the best paths. Yielding to stress will make that difficult at best; using the stressors to develop a new response is the best of all possible worlds.
I love the stress chart, Roy. We can’t control what happens but we can control our responses. I can think of an example right now…the weather map shows a tropical disturbance in the Gulf of Mexico. This could be very stressful for some people or it could motivate Gulf Coast residents to start getting prepared for a possible storm. I think preparation is a good way to deal with stress. Be prepared…and then SMILE.
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I love your last sentence, Janette!!!
Thanks for that addition…
Wonderful post Roy. LOVE IT! Stress is an insidious little monster more deadly than those big macs some gobble down daily. The crazy part about the stress lesson is that you’d think if you learned it once that would be it, but it isn’t each new stress means learning new coping techniques. From the sounds of it, I won’t be driving in D.C any time soon either. My stomach fainted as you described traffic in that area. No thank you. I have a phobia of highways…anyway…Great post!
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Thanks SO much, Lisa…
It’s amazing how much stress does to us, for us, and against us…
And, unfortunately, over the past few years, one of the prominent places DC has increased in “stature” has been to exceed the time spent in traffic and snarls, with snafus and no roads to overpass New York AND LA. Now, that’s something for which one should be proud! [The governments have decided that taxes for roads- new, improved, and maintenance- is not a good use of funds. Instead regulation of abortion clinics is more important…
Roy
Indeed, Roy, the stress comes from within; we create it. And most successful people do not let the economic issues spoil their spoils. We create everything we have; sure, there were outside influences, but if we wanted something, we would go out and get it; whether a TV or, not to sound crass, a baby. If situations occur in life that could bring stress on — aka, the stressor — and if we confront them with a certain type of logic, then the stress experienced may be nil. One of my favorite subjects to discuss.
Glad you liked this post, PeggyLee…
Given the fact that this is an election year, there will be plenty of stressors. And, if you live in the Commonwealth (I know, you live in the Midwest), the insane dismissal of the President of UVa (where the “vote” was held – not only in secret, but over the phone, one at a time, so no one really knows what the vote was, except for the three folks who showed up a month or two later to hold one…
This kind of crap makes me wonder if we live in the Former Soviet Union or the “Republic” of Afghanistan or the “State” of Egypt!
10, 9, 8, 7, 6,… pretty soon, I’ll have to practice counting backwards by 9 from 1000. (OK, the latter is a private joke- those that know will laugh hysterically, NOW- not then.)
Roy
I don’t like myself when I am tired and then add stress on top of the situation. Course, I don’t like others in that same reference. My hubby is one of the best people under stress. He walks away as he thinks of a solution and then comes back with a plan. I’m sure his job has taught him to do that. His boss doesn’t care how stressed he is as long as the situation has been dealt with and the job gets completed.
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Shawn:
I truly understand. I am generally a voluble guy- I get excited at ball games, at successes for me, my friends, my team (of co-workers), etc. And, my ex was pretty surprised when she found out that when the s… hits the fan, I become totally quiet and calm (and, certainly so for a hyperactive fellow)…and then have a solution worked out as soon as humanly possible.
Roy
I can’t write about stress. I think it is part of life, like breathing. Some times I think I create the stress (my reactions), but then there is so much craziness around that little things like an ant in my cream cheese sends me back to bed quaking like my dog in a thunder storm. In fact that same dog quaking in a thunder storm sends me. . . you get the idea. I don’t think I have any boundaries and everything grips me. Today, however, I am taking some thinking time before getting back to a screaming client. If I get fired, it might be a blessing. Thanks for writing about stress, Roy. You often write just what I need to read.
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One would expect an ant in cream cheese to be a stressor, Ann- even more so if it were an ant on the cream cheese on your bagel about to be devoured…
The trick is to keep it a stressor- but not let it stress you…
Wonderful post. And I like that stress chart! We should all have one on our desk top so others who approach can see lol.
There is a lot of blame in our society and a lack of accountabilty. This goes right along with it. We cannot control what goes on outside of us, only what goes on inside of us. You know I am a strong believer in choice. While initial reaction might be different we can learn to manage our reactions so that we don’t end up allowing the stressors to rule us.
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Thanks for adding to the discussion, Bonnie…
Yes, we all seem to forget that WE are accountable for OUR actions and reactions. And, WE reap the benefits if we change our responses.
Small perspective shifts (from challenge to opportunity, understanding the motivator behind someone else’s craziness) make such a difference in the stress level we experience. And it’s one of those muscles we’ve got to develop through exercise. Loved the examples in your post.
Michelle Shaeffer recently posted..5 Smart Ways to Keep Your Content Consistent
Thanks for visiting and commenting, Michelle. And, you are right- it’s OUR change in perspective that sets our responses…
Roy
The thing that clearly caught my attentions was….. 28+ hours…. that is one of the reasons I am going to use when people ask me when I am going to have a kid….
We can’t control the situations but we can certainly control or at least moderate our responses to quite an extent. Its like having a bad senior at work. But the senior has his office two levels above you. You can let his nagging bother you the whole day or you can just let it go because you don’t have to keep listening to his voice ALL the time nor do you cross paths (literally) too often. Just keep on doing your work if you are doing it right and be happy.
Also, stress makes us old and puts on wrinkles….
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Ah, Hajra..
Love that you know that stress puts on wrinkles. But, then again- so do smiles!
Roy
(In other words, you can’t stop growing older- unless you’ve chosen an early exit!)
I LOVE this post, Roy! I totally agree that it’s our response to things that creates our stress . . . or not. There are so many people who believe that it all happens externally and they don’t accept that it’s how they choose to respond. Stopping and choosing a new response would really make a difference in our world.
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Thanks for adding to the discussion, Leanne..
Love that last sentence!
Developing new responses… this is so imperative in this current state of the world!
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I’m with you, Helene!
We alway need to develop better responsses.
I need someone I went off on last week to read this. Yup, I did it, I caved into stress and spoke harshly to an undeserving innocent. An apology later bridges were mended for the most part but still I regret it. Will try to “roll with the punches” on both the giving and receiving sides, Roy.
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So sorry to hear that… And, sure, Alessa, pass them the link to follow up.
Roy