The other day I commented (privately) that someone had updated their blog and it was very clean looking.  But, if she wanted comments on her blog, forcing one to use an off-white font on a white background would make many folks reticent.  After all, they can’t read what they are typing, to insure they don’t make mistakes.  Her reply was, “Stick it.”

OK.  That’s fine.  I, for one, won’t bother reading her blog or recommending it to anyone.  That’s her right.  And, I would not subject my friends or clients to her vituperation- or to the inability to review what one types. And, as you can tell, her reply was not fine- it affronted me.

But, I have been lucky enough to be able to compartmentalize my life, so her reaction did not ruin my day or my interactions with others.  I hope.  Because it is easy to say I’ve compartmentalized, but who knows if one more slightly off-kilter comment would not set me off the edge.  (Thankfully, I was not tested that day.)

Which brings up another fact.  I don’t do the receivable collections for my firm.  (Don’t worry- I’m explaining this concept.)  Yet, I do the collections for many of my clients.   For the same reason I don’t do collections for my firm.  Others do that at my firm.  Gently (?) cajoling the (thankfully- and by design- few) recalcitrant ones to meet their obligations.

But, if their bill is unpaid after 45 days (our normal terms are very short- on purpose) , they notify the board and we (including me) then take over the issue. Why do we do this?  Because we don’t want our interactions with our clients to be colored by our resentment that they have not paid their bills. Because, it would.  Which is why we collect for our clients, as well- so they don’t let their potential resentment overlay client interactions, either.

Rabbi S. Wolbe proposed that we live in two worlds- one in which we are connected to others and one in which we are alienated.   Our connected world involves optimism, generosity, belief in the Supreme Being, love, and tranquility.  Not surprisingly, when we are alienated, we are angry, we exude resentment, feel anxiety and fear, etc. Obviously, if we are alienated, we can’t advise others to the best of our ability- which requires we feel love towards that person and optimistic that improvements and change will occur.  And, we can’t live in both worlds simultaneously. So, we need to be in touch with what we are feeling.  Are we in our connected world or our estranged world?  Are we feeling generous or resentful, loving or disputatious, optimistic or critical, tranquil or anxious?   Given those facts, we need to insure that we are in our connected world. Or, maybe not quite yet.  If someone has just reneged on our proposed $ 2 million contract, I doubt very much if we can let those negative feelings go.  (Oh, you can?  I never said I was the best person in the world.  I couldn’t and don’t.)

But, I also know to keep to myself and try not to interact with others intimately, so my negativity neither showers them with criticism or draws them into the world of estrangement, too.  And, I also know that I only have the right to harbor these feeling for one business day- at best.  Because life goes on and I have a family that desires my loving interaction. And, I don’t want to live my life in this G-d-forsaken place, either! So, I have to choose to travel to that better place.  If that means seeking out a little baby (how can you NOT feel joy seeing a baby interact with its world, cooing, eyeing every little thing- even complaining that it’s hungry?), picking up a book of poetry that I save for such occasions, or my morning mantra. Then, I’m ready.  Whether I call up one of my mentees to see what’s going on, pick a charitable cause that needs my time or my money and provide it, or determine a gift for someone in my family (just because), that’s the action that necessary.  Once we’ve decided to give to another, we’ve abandoned that world of alienation; we’ve joined the world of connectivity. I’ve mentioned that I became a hugger, after experiencing a series (not connected by days) of life-threatening situations that to this day still leave me amazed that I am still here.  Hugging another and giving one’s love to them also works.  These “mitzvot” (good deeds) are the keys to changing our outlook and feeling connected.

Oh, you did notice that I never mentioned expecting the person who induced my trajectory to the world of alienation to change their course?   That’s a futile hope.  It’s our job to deal with ourselves and work to make this world just a little better.  We can only hope that others will work on themselves.

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